Thankful Friday

Friday is here already? How the hell did that happen?

It’s been a busy week this week, drama ahoy! but it’s reminded me how different I am.

I wrote a while ago about being ditched by someone I considered a friend. This reached a head this week with some help from a fairly obvious stirrer. The positive of this situation is that despite a group of women in their 30s and 40s resorting to calling people “fat” well fatears actually, mental, nutters and freaks I feel fine about myself. I recognise who I am, why I have made the decisions I have (and a few have been vindicated very quickly) and that I made them for me. Months ago, maybe even weeks ago, I would have been really broken up about being ditched suddenly, shamed, worried I had been an unspeakable fuck up and it was all my fault.

This time I’m much more pragmatic about it. Friendships change, I haven’t resorted to calling names or being vindictive. I’ve learnt who really cares about me in the last few weeks, in RL and OL which has been a wonderful thing really, it’s really cheered me up.

So my list I guess is:

  • I’ve been honest despite knowing it would lead to me being ridiculed because I don’t want to be a false person.
  • I have not shed one tear over any of this without trying I have rejoiced in the loveliness of the majority.
  • I am pleased that a friends mother has got her hearts desire reinforcing that good things happen to good people.
  • I have finally made choices. When my job ends I won’t be looking for another. I will be a SAHM and I love the idea.
  • I am moving house, to somewhere more suitable for our little family.
  • The sun is shining, nothing bad can happen in the sunshine.
  • I am meeting up with old friends over the next few weeks, some in Birmingham, some in London and some here.
  • A friend sent me a text this morning saying “Oi, Love you, You stinky arseface”, it’s made me smile all day. I sent her an equally sentimental message back.

Plenty to be thankful for without including my staples of freedom, choice, a home, and a happy family.

Slack week!

I’ve been terribly slack this week. I have been going to bed early, working evenings, and generally feeling a bit under the weather. A few events this week have led to me really questioning friendship and the importance of the people around me.

Today is Easter Sunday, traditionally a day to give thanks, think about renewal, and I felt it the perfect time to reflect on my life at the moment. Over all, without being smug, I’m actually pretty happy overall.

As I didn’t do a thankful friday post I thought I would do it today. Thankful Easter Sunday.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” -Dr.Seuss

I think that sums up my attitude to people at the moment. I’m trying not to be so desperate for attention, praise and to be less defined by those I have around me. I have no doubt that this will make me a much happier, calmer person. I am defined by who I am and what I do not by those around mes opinion of me or my actions.

So thankful:

  • I am thankful that despite being very ill a member of my family is so upbeat and lively still. We know he won’t recover ever but he is making a massive effort to enjoy his time.
  • I managed to adapt my 120 Holga to accept 35 mm film, am enjoying the experiment, can’t wait to get it developed! Will share the results if they are half decent.
  • that I have the freedom to make choices on my own, to campaign for political parties without fear of reprisals, that as a woman I feel safe on the streets.
  • I love that I meet so many wonderful people who work hard to survive and change their lives, they are inspirational.
  • I love joining a gym. Having the resources to do so is great, just have to find some more time. I am trying to make exercise part of my life now. A routine dare I say it.
  • Thank goodness for people like Mel, who posted the quote above at such a perfect moment. She’s an inspiration too, she makes me want to pick up my camera more, do courses to better myself.
  • I am thankful that my diet is back on track mostly. I’m never going to be perfect, it’s not really in my nature and generally being that strict with myself takes me back to a pretty dark place. It’s not a good place or a happy place and it makes me an obsessive about food and control. Not at all healthy. So this week I have lost 3 lbs. I had put back on nearly all of the 9 pounds I had lost so this is a start back in the same direction.
  • for real friends. Friends and family who have my back, stand by me, understand my nature and put up with my quirks and things that annoy them about me.
  • I am thankful for green spaces all around me. I may live in the city centre of a fairly large city but it has the beach 20 mins in one direction, the sound 5 mins away, and the countryside 10 mins away. It’s heaven, I drove in to Cornwall on Friday and loved it, the wind turbines, old mines and country lane driving was wonderful.
  • My Son and My Husband. My son is just the light of everything we do, he’s funny, friendly and loving. My husband and I have been spending much more time doing things together and have been so happy. It’s a happy family place to be right now.

That’s not an exhaustive list either which really puts a smile on my face. It’s wonderful to be me at the moment. Work may be pressured and stressful but it’s an amazing challenge which I adore. That said I am looking forward to my week off soon lol.

Well time to go and celebrate, chocolate is calling!