Spring and lighter evenings are here, finally!

I’m so feeling spring now. I’ve spent the late afternoon in the garden with my lovely 4 year old planting seeds ready for spring to do it’s work. It’s warm in the sunshine (we hit double figures in celsius today – hooray!) but still a bit chilly in the shade, also as soon as the sun starts to set you feel the cold creep in. It’s 1822 now and the sun is just dipping down below the horizon and the sky is purple.

My goodness, I really am British, a whole paragraph on the weather.

Anyway, moving swiftly on!

Yesterday I did great, stayed on plan really well, killed it in the Gym, around 458 calories from memory, and then had a lovely afternoon of fun with a friend. Today not so good, been terribly off plan with an ad hoc lunch while shopping and then a milkshake to stave off the heat ;) then home to sausages, eggs and chips! Terrible day. I only managed to do exercise while shopping but it was an essential task. This morning I had such a grinding headache that there was no chance of a workout, I actually ended up talking to the doctor about it – phone in clinic – who is going to prescribe some migraine stuff for me. He also mentioned that it could be the side effect to exercise and weight loss and a lot of toxicity is stored in excess fat and released when you blast  that fat. It can effect your hair, complexion and mood as well apparently.

I have been feeling a bit flat recently, coming to terms with the fact that the weight loss will be slower than I’d like even when I work out and diet is quite tough. I’m struggling to stay on plan this week but I’m motivated with exercise but until I get the diet under control I’m just treading water. I am not weighing in on Saturday as I’m working but I am really looking forward to getting life back on track shortly. We all have dips in motivation I guess I’m just more focussed on fitness at the moment which is probably much more healthy.

Spring is definitely putting a bounce in my step though and the more time I spend outside the more healthy I feel and the more I want to do and eat better. We’ve planted a number of “grow your own” seeds today so I’m looking forward to eating my own organically grown produce too.

Focus Friday…

Today is Focus Friday in our house. Today we set targets. Targets that are for one week, like mini resolutions. They have to be measurable, something we can say we have achieved, small, achievable, and there has to be 2 rules. A family rule and a personal one.

This week my goals are:

Family: Don’t go on the computer until Charlie goes to bed unless it’s urgent! Use the time wisely, spend time with my son, show him I love him, engage in games and cuddles, be silly, do puzzles, or cook together whatever.

Personal: To control my eating properly. I am not dieting so will be focussing on not overeating. Eating when I am hungry and only until I am full. It will help with my Happiness Project focus of Energy, I feel so sluggish now it’s really hurting my energy and self-esteem.

I battle with self-esteem a lot. It’s a daily habit to remind myself that I’m not disgusting. When I look in the mirror I see a mess. I’m not happy with how my hair is growing now. It’s been short for a while and I was liking it but I had to have it cut really short to go blonde, now I like the blonde but not as short as it is. I’m going to grow it out a bit but not loads. I liked it when it was like this (but obviously now blonde):

I’m a bit scared of liking myself, scared of how that will make me feel, how I will act, how I will behave and feel about those around me. If I like myself will I be a horrible person?

The Energy Focus for this week is Exercise. DH and I have decided that we will go out for a run in the morning. This is Gretchen (the Happiness Projects) advice, do it in the morning before distractions, and excuses, enter our world. The only way we can do this is to take alternate days which actually works out quite well. Gretchen says that we must reward ourselves with small steps, so just putting our shoes on and closing the door behind us is a good start. Starting running, then eventually keeping running, pretty soon you’ll be running around the block. So that’s what we are going to do. DH wants to get fit, he wants to be able to play footie with some of the lads so he has to improve his fitness. It’s a good goal for him.

I want to exercise to aid getting rid of my excess weight. I want to feel positive and I am reliably informed that I will feel energised and happier by doing it.

This week we have been awful at going to bed at a decent time. It’s 1045 now and I am up blogging but we have got up earlier than before and it’s working. We need to get more sleep so we are still working on last weeks focus and slotting in this weeks focus of exercise.

I actually look forward to feeling a bit better. I seem to have a constantly iffy feeling tummy at he moment, I am definitely sluggish, my system is just not working on full tilt, I think the diet and lack of exercise, combined with the bloody cold weather, is impacting my wellbeing. It’s no ones fault but my own. If I wasn’t so slack on my diet and exercise then the cold wouldn’t be affecting me so much.

So goals for this week:

  • Make evenings with Charlie more focussed on him and more valuable.
  • Control my food impulses and encourage myself to feel proud when I stand on the scales.
  • Start an exercise routine with husband.

Monday: Make the Bed.

We got up early, more like 6.45am than 6.30 but it’s a good start, I practically had to drag husband out of bed and we were both up way before the child. It felt like hell to start with but as the morning went on I felt energised, I was productive at work, really focussed on what I was doing and it was fab. I felt good about it. I wore my new red courts, and a skirt, the shoes were super comfy. I was not comfy in the skirt but that’s a work in progress :)

I wasn’t afraid today, I went out and saw people, worked hard, pushed myself to concentrate and focus. I felt tired when I first woke up but we didn’t get to sleep until gone 11pm so that’s hardly a surprise, it quickly passed though. I felt great, by the time we got in the car I was totally awake, by the time I got to work (nearly an hour later after dropping off both boys) I was totally switched on and alert. It was fab, I sat down, straight on with work. I achieved so much today and am really pleased.

I am changing the way I think. I used to think that a positive mental attitude was just a place that hippies and other equally mental people had. It was unrealistic, foolish even to dream and get damaged. It’s totally different though. Being positive isn’t about being free loving or walking around with flowers in my hair,  or even just looking on the bright side being optimistic, it’s actually very practical – which really appeals to me – and it’s all about the solution. Positivity has been a revelation. I have been reading loads of things, particularly The Happiness Project, and really thinking about how my life should be what I make it. No one else can make my life for me, I have to drive myself in to it.

There are several little things that the Happiness Project has taught me, they may seem like nothing to other people and they are incredibly simple but have been so important to changing my brain. Things like make the bed in the morning, it’s an achievement to start the day with, it makes your bedroom look nice, makes it more inviting at night. Revolutionary? Not especially but it’s really struck a chord with me. I have made the bed (or DH has) every day since I read it. I am very much an outer order inner calm kind of girl. I can’t concentrate if I know there is clutter or untidiness around me so it really struck me as a great idea to just make the bed.

I have also been mindful of the emergency energy boost ideas today. It’s really surprised me how well they work. I am naturally cynical but trying to change. I can feel it in myself. I don’t know really how to explain it but I feel my whole demeanour  changing. I am looking forward, not focussing on what has happened before but what is going to happen this year. A solution focussed year. A year that we take control, a year that I finally understand happiness and change our lives. It’s no one elses fault, it’s in my control.

I haven’t been looking after myself. I am ashamed to admit it but I have been slack on personal hygiene, I didn’t care about my body, how I looked or felt about myself. I am taking control of that now. I won’t say how or anything because, really, who needs those kinds of details? I will be treating my body better, keeping it clean, painting it nicely, dressing it with care.

I guess all of this is leading to one thing, I am changing. I can feel it already. I feel more active, more driven, more focussed already.

So, therapy…

I did it. I drove to the therapists, I got out of the car and walked to the door, rang the doorbell. I stayed for 2 and a half hours.

I won’t go through all of it, it’s 2 and a half hours! The main points were:

  • Change the way I think I am not loosing weight I am getting rid of fat. When you loose things it’s negative, unplanned and usually not wanted. I want to get rid of weight and fat. Positive.
  • Give up ownership. It’s not my gross tummy it’s THE fat tummy. It’s not mine it’s just a thing, no personalisation.
  • Make NEW rules.
  • Consider the energy scales when eating and deciding WHEN to eat. You balance what you put in with what is going out in exercise.
  • Eat in peace, with dignity and with as few distractions as possible. Savour every peice and try and turn the TV off.
  • Treat yourself with respect. STOP the negative things you say, jokes are not funny when they are negative, you wouldn’t say it to anyone else. It will encourage people to treat you badly too.
  • Don’t demonise any food.
  • Treat food you eat as medicinal. It brings you slimness and health.
  • Remember the law of diminishing returns. No mouthful of chocolate is as good as the first one.
  • Have a clear and achievable target in mind. If you don’t know where you are going how are you going to get there? Be visual.
  • Remember shedding excess weight won’t change your mind or bits of your life you don’t like so don’t expect it to.

It all sounds so simple really. My homework is: (and any of you could do this too)

  • Create a “positive mirror list – this is standing in front of the mirror totally starkers and writing 3 lists. Things you like about your body, things you do well, and things you have achieved. I will post mine once it’s done.
  • Find a picture you want to aspire too. A target photo. Stick it to your mirror.
  • Use a smaller plate. A 10 inch plate will reduce 15% of what you would have eaten, a 9 inch plate will reduce your intake by 35%. You won’t notice it.
  • Avoid picking, be aware of what you eat.
  • Eat slowly, chew thoroughly and stop when you are satisfied. Trust your appetite.
  • Always leave food on the plate. Out with waste not on your waist.
  • Begin a suitable exercise programme.

This isn’t a diet but I have loads of dietary information which is nice. The main points of that being:

  • Cut down on high sugar, high salt, and high fat (especially saturated and hydrogenated fat) foods.
  • Drink plenty of water
  • Find healthy foods which keep you fuller for longer, such as complex carbs (wholemeal bread, pasta, wholegrain rice, and porridge).
  • Eat plenty of fresh fruit and veg, either whole or in juices
  • Eat plenty of high calcium dairy foods like milk, cheese and yogart. They strengthen bones, teeth and stop your body from absorbing some of the fat from other foods.
  • Watch your intake of alcohol, it’s high in sugar, leeches calcium. Same for cola and coffee.
  • Variety!
  • Plan a few small, healthy snacks to keep with you during the day.