Not Sure Where to Go

….right now. Yesterday morning I weighed in. The damage wasn’t nearly as bad as  I thought it was going to be, sadly that seemed to alleviate some pressure and led to a McDonalds lunch. I wasn’t even hungry!

I’m not sure what prompted it to be honest but I’ve put the scales away and after seeing 233.1 I really hope to see some more loss this week. Earlier in the year I said I wanted to be at 199 by the end of the year. That is pretty ambitious at this stage, I’ve not loss that much in an entire year last year but it will put me on track to be nearly at goal by the Triathlon next year.

I’ve been overwhelmed the last few weeks, overwhelmed by how difficult it can be to lose weight, to control my urges and say no. I read something recently that said that 3/4 of people who lose significant weight gain it back again, 1/3 of them will actually end up heavier than when they started. Over half of the people that start a long term weight loss goal will never reach their goal weight.

How depressing is that?

I refuse to be a statistic and I will be here writing about it as long as I have fight in me. So I have to do something. I chose some things to cheer me up a little, I bought a new jumper which showed me how far I had come, it’s a UK size 16 and I was wearing a 24/26. The trousers I bought are my first ever pair of skinny jeans. They aren’t as small as I would like but I dropped a good number of sizes and I’m happy with that. I got all poshed up at the weekend too which was also fun.

It helped me refresh a little and I’m starting to feel more positive. I’m in a minefield right now, building new relationships and working new friendships while I have restrictions on my social time that not everyone else has. It’s tricky but I guess I’m there to do a job and not to play around. My social life, with grown ups, has been thin over the last few years, working from home, being a mother means nights out are thin on the ground. It’s something I would like to have but it’s not happening just yet, there is time though.

While in the depths of feeling mega sorry for myself I read this post from Mrs Fatass. I can’t begin to explain how much this post voiced my feelings right now. I’m overwhelmed by my life and how my fitness and health fits in to it. Right now it doesn’t seem to fit no matter how much I try and force it. I have to figure out how to study and workout. How to have a social life and a healthy life. Right now it all scares me to death and I’m eating to prove that I can’t do it. So I have an excuse.

I am going to take it one day at a time I’m not going to weigh until next Wednesday and every Wednesday there after. I’m going to tell myself no and that every day does count. I’m trying to take care of myself a little bit every day. I’m positive that I can survive a day, then another. For now. Today is the most important day.

8 thoughts on “Not Sure Where to Go

  1. Okay, first off you are a total hotass. Those photos you posted? So beautiful. And I hear you on needing that social time out. It’s hard being a mom and having an identity seperate from that. But just hang on. Sometimes our fight is day by day and sometimes our fight is second by second. But you can do this. You are absolutely not alone.

  2. You look gorgeous in those photos!

    I know you’re trying to lose weight, but have you thought about giving yourself a few months at maintenance while you settle into a new working routine?

    It seems like there’s lots of pressure on you at the moment and the last thing you need is even more pressure from your own brain!

    Giving yourself a break isn’t just about easing up on negative thoughts. It’s also about being realistic about what you can achieve. Starting a new job is one of the most stressful things you can do (like you need me to tell you that) and it’s probably taking most of your energy right now.

    Spend your free time having fun with your boys, maintain your weight and then launch a brand new attack in a few months.

    Even the most hardened soldiers need a little R&R every now and then!

    • This is really really good advice. I want to lose weight though, frankly I need to, but I get what you are saying. I need to stop striving for 4lb losses every week. I need to take it easy on myself, get in to routine and start to sort things out and find some direction is more important than the scales right now.

  3. Oh Rebecca, I’m with you. I’ve been doing this shake thing and other than on 2 days (my final day at work – m’tea, lunch and dinner and one lunch this week) I’ve stuck to the program and had no carbohydrates at all. (I have had some alcohol though!).

    I expected to lose BIG numbers but after a little bit in week 1 I haven’t lost anything in week 2. I’m nearly finished week 3 and still nowhere.

    I do feel less bloated – which is good but I want the scale to reflect my good work!!!

    I’ve thought about giving up a few times, but am trying to hang in there!


  4. Rebecca, you have a lot going on now with your new job plus all your old responsibilities. Try not to let them overwhelm you. I know that there are a lot of things you want to do – socialize, exercise, eat right, etc. – so it comes down to just organizing your time so that you can do a bit over everything in a way that doesn’t compromise any of your goals.

    For me, I definitely streamlined my socializing as I was both working on my PhD and focusing on exercise. While I did miss my friends, making progress with my studies and my fitness was what I needed at that time to just make me feel better overall. Once I was ready to do so, I eased myself back into the social scene. It was better for me because I knew had I forced myself to go out, I would have just ended up feeling anxious.

    I guess what I’m saying is, you can do everything – but maybe just not all at once. Make good nutrition and exercise a priority. You’ll feel great and that positive energy will translate into other parts of your life.

    You can do this, and you know that a fast food meal is not going to make you feel better (even if it doesn’t cause you to gain weight). Your new clothes size and how good it makes you feel should be great motivation to keep going.

    You can do this. Just keep pushing forward and don’t look back.

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