Binge City

I have to confess. I’m writing this on August 31st and it won’t be scheduled for a while. I need to get this down on paper so that I can see it, reflect on it and when it posts really see progress. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to tell you that things are better. I really hope that’s the case.

Since I started the sugar/diet coke detox I’ve put more toxins and junk in my body than I have for a long time. I started so well as well. The first day was pretty good. The second day I ate a McDonalds but no sugar. Third day it was complete binge city, anything I could eat. It’s been pretty much the same since.

Today I went to the gym for the first time in 3 weeks (cause of travelling and tattoo healing). I worked out, and I was shocked just how much cardio took out of me, I just couldn’t do it like I used to. I did try though and I completed a weights workout but I just didn’t want to be there, there were some annoying gym things that contributed but my attitude sucked.

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I posted some pics while I was there too, I seriously thought a workout would push me through my bad mood and sort me out but I’m gutted that it didn’t. you can see it on my face. I’m not in to it. I really struggled, couldn’t even get through week 1 of the c25k (which I’m about to start AGAIN).

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Seriously I don’t know why the binge has returned but this is different to going off track, it’s not that I’m eating feelings and I’m not yet sure about what those feelings are. Some of them are the post holiday slump. I’ve gone from 40C and sunny to epic rain, and now cold. It’s pretty much Autumn already. I’ve some big life changes about to happen too which are causing me stress, the boy goes back to school this week and I am going to miss having my buddy around. Since we’ve been home we’ve had to spend £££s on the car AGAIN which is shit and we are really broke again which is even shitter and a considerable amount of the blame has to lie with me. I’ve felt really low for days and I have tried so much to shake it and I just can’t seem to do it.

So I’m going to try and fake it until I make it. I completely acknowledge how I feel but since I hit my lowest recorded weight (last Thursday) I’ve just had my piggy face at the trough. I was so close to the 220s and I’m desperate to be there so what am I doing? When I binged today I wrestled with myself for a long time. I said out loud “what ARE you doing!?”. It seemed so dumb yet there I was.

Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to tell you that since I wrote this post I’ve been able to lighten up, find my cheerfulness again, we are hoping to get out tomorrow and ride our bikes. The weather forecast is good, maybe getting outside will blow away whatever it is that is bothering me.

I’m also shelving the detox for now. What I’m going to focus on is making smart choices, smart is by my own definition at that time, and just taking one day at a time. Also I’m going to try and workout as much as I can, it makes me feel better and right now I need that. The man and I have some plans exercise wise too and so that will make things easier.

8 thoughts on “Binge City

  1. Amazing honesty – that’s one of the most awesome things about your blog, you are equally truthful about the highs and the lows.

    Well done on hitting your lowest recorded weight:) You’ll get back there pretty quickly, and beat it. It’s funny how we often sabotage ourselves – I’ve done exactly the same thing, really worked at weight loss, hit a great number and then eaten everything in sight!

    And those workouts where you aren’t feeling it are just the worst. You get so used to pushing through something and feeling amazing afterwards that when you just feel meh, it’s like you’ve been robbed of something. But you know what? That workout still counts.

    Hope the sunshine of the past few days has helped to brighten your mood:)

  2. I was struck by the honesty of this post too – you are very brave. I can relate 100%. I think there is a switch in my brain, and even if I have the best of intentions I can’t achieve anything if the switch is off. One day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. As S.N.S says – the workout still counts. Well done x x

  3. Remember that this journey isn’t about being perfect but making progress. I think the mental aspect of weight loss is sometimes put aside. We are trying so hard to eat better and work out but we don’t deal with the reasons as to why we gained the weight to begin with. Why do we binge when we feel bad/sad/happy/stressed? If someone had the answer and could turn that switch off in our heads, they would be a millionaire.

    Take it one day at a time.

  4. It’s frustrating when the trigger of the binge is unidentifiable. Still, you are strong enough to regain control and push past the urges to binge and get to the gym and push those weights. You’ve got it in you — and with this challenge you’ve set up — you’ve got a plan to succeed!

  5. I also love the honesty in this post. Sometimes I’ve rewarded a good week of ‘dieting’ or a loss with a binge. It’s almost like a relief or something. “Phew, I can eat again now!”

    I think I’ve been doing that since losing weight last year!

    I know what you mean about the cardio. I had 3-4 weeks off with the stitches in my back, then the flu and I’m still struggling with my Zumba classes – feeling so much more tired than I once would have! But at least we’re hanging in there.

    Deb

  6. Breathe. Take a step back. And refocus.

    There can be many reasons for binges or slip-ups. Stress, emotions, hormones. They happen. Tempting food can be all around us. Right now there is a chocolate cake in our newsroom at uni. My tutor brought it in for us. Cake, especially chocolate cake, is my weakness. I am not looking at it. If I look at it I will want it more.

    Not trying to pyscoanalyise you here but maybe your little boy going back to school could have triggered it?

    Sometimes I think cutting out foods can make you want them or just food in general more. Maybe cut down on them or cut them out one at a time rather than going completely cold turkey? That may have given your body a shock leaving it going “I want food now!”

    You should be really proud of your progress so far. Getting down to your lowest weight is an amazing achievment. And your honnesty is admirable.

    You’ll get where you want to be. Weight loss is a journey. It’s a learning curve. You live, you make mistakes, you learn. You’ll do it. I know you will. x

  7. Ugh! So sorry you’re battling your demons, but thank you for the honesty – it makes it easier to look in the mirror and acknowledge I’m doing the same damn thing. :( And with everything – chocolate, ice cream, trail mix, junk! I went to bed the other night with a chocolate belly ache – I haven’t done that in a long, LONG time. :(

    So, FWIW, even at goal we still struggle (yes, we do!). But good habits count, because it does become easier to get back on track if you fall off the wagon. So pick yourself up and keep moving – it’s a long road, but you’re making good progress.

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