I have to confess. I’m writing this on August 31st and it won’t be scheduled for a while. I need to get this down on paper so that I can see it, reflect on it and when it posts really see progress. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to tell you that things are better. I really hope that’s the case.
Since I started the sugar/diet coke detox I’ve put more toxins and junk in my body than I have for a long time. I started so well as well. The first day was pretty good. The second day I ate a McDonalds but no sugar. Third day it was complete binge city, anything I could eat. It’s been pretty much the same since.
Today I went to the gym for the first time in 3 weeks (cause of travelling and tattoo healing). I worked out, and I was shocked just how much cardio took out of me, I just couldn’t do it like I used to. I did try though and I completed a weights workout but I just didn’t want to be there, there were some annoying gym things that contributed but my attitude sucked.
I posted some pics while I was there too, I seriously thought a workout would push me through my bad mood and sort me out but I’m gutted that it didn’t. you can see it on my face. I’m not in to it. I really struggled, couldn’t even get through week 1 of the c25k (which I’m about to start AGAIN).
Seriously I don’t know why the binge has returned but this is different to going off track, it’s not that I’m eating feelings and I’m not yet sure about what those feelings are. Some of them are the post holiday slump. I’ve gone from 40C and sunny to epic rain, and now cold. It’s pretty much Autumn already. I’ve some big life changes about to happen too which are causing me stress, the boy goes back to school this week and I am going to miss having my buddy around. Since we’ve been home we’ve had to spend £££s on the car AGAIN which is shit and we are really broke again which is even shitter and a considerable amount of the blame has to lie with me. I’ve felt really low for days and I have tried so much to shake it and I just can’t seem to do it.
So I’m going to try and fake it until I make it. I completely acknowledge how I feel but since I hit my lowest recorded weight (last Thursday) I’ve just had my piggy face at the trough. I was so close to the 220s and I’m desperate to be there so what am I doing? When I binged today I wrestled with myself for a long time. I said out loud “what ARE you doing!?”. It seemed so dumb yet there I was.
Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able to tell you that since I wrote this post I’ve been able to lighten up, find my cheerfulness again, we are hoping to get out tomorrow and ride our bikes. The weather forecast is good, maybe getting outside will blow away whatever it is that is bothering me.
I’m also shelving the detox for now. What I’m going to focus on is making smart choices, smart is by my own definition at that time, and just taking one day at a time. Also I’m going to try and workout as much as I can, it makes me feel better and right now I need that. The man and I have some plans exercise wise too and so that will make things easier.