So yesterday I told you all that I had a bad weigh in, I didn’t really make much of it but I was pretty bummed to be honest. It showed 3lbs up from my lowest weight which is frustrating and not entirely deserved. Trouble is I did slip at the weekend, we were out celebrating a few things and I didn’t eat that great, I know calorie wise it wasn’t a disaster but it was things I don’t normally eat which doesn’t help ever.
I worked my butt off in the gym Saturday and had a rest day Sunday but just seemed to gain and gain. I hate that! However when I started to look at things more closely I realised that my body fat % had dropped nearly 2.2% and my lean mass had gone up 1% so it’s not as bad as the numbers might indicate.
Today I’m at:
So much better and shows that fluctuations will happen which is why I record my weight officially monthly. It started me thinking about where I’m going with this journey. I have a lot of things in the pipeline right now and a whole separate career starting very soon, but I love what I do, I love the hours I spend exercising, I love the after burn, the sweat and the feeling amazing about myself. I still struggle with food though.
I love paleo/primal and really feel like it’s forever however I do struggle with sugar considerably, I love a good cake and so on which is when I started reading Everyday Paleo again and she recommends an 80/20 approach and I realise that that is roughly what I’ve been achieving the majority of the time. Normal days, normal weeks I’m 100-80 % successful, I haven’t had rice/pasta/legumes since march and I feel better for it. It’s sugar that’s my downfall and I guess the only thing that will change that is time.
I did have a chuckle yesterday when I referred to a spicy chicken salad I’d just made as convenience food. I really have changed lol. I’m still not happy with what I see in the mirror though, but then I was thinking why is it that I’m not happy with it. What is it about my body that I dislike and why? I concluded that mostly it’s because I don’t look like her and the world seems to think I should…
Where I actually look like this…(hahahahaha no I’m not posing in a bikini on here)
My body isn’t what I want it to be yet and even in a community of people trying to lose weight there is an amount of body image chat that goes on which isn’t always positive. I’ve learnt over the years, about a lot of things, is to distance myself from things that make me struggle and stress, regardless of how rational the object of my stress is. I have to accept that I feel things how I feel them and deal with it as it comes.
I feel like I’m winning the weight war. Little by little. I’ve long accepted that I will take a long time to get to goal so instead of waiting till I get there I’m living my life now. Enjoying everything I thought I would when I was thin, I’m doing now instead because why wait for the body that may never materialise? I’m 30 years old and about to embark on hopefully my last career move and honestly the future has never seemed brighter to me, I have these ideas and hopes for the future which give me something to push for and something to work for but I have to LIVE now. So I think I am winning the war no matter what the scales tell me.