Thankful Friday & Growing up on Celluloid.

This week has been a week of doors closing and new beginnings. My job has ended and I am now a stay at home parent full time. Well I feel a bit of a fraud saying that really because Charlie will still attend nursery 15 hours a week over 3 days because it’s free, and he loves it. His friends are there and he’s come a long way because of it.

So what am I thankful for?

  • I’m thankful that we can only have one income without a major panic, don’t get me wrong it’s not going to be easy but it won’t destroy us (hopefully!!)
  • I’m thankful that we have a home to spend time in, that Charlie and I can work and grow together in.
  • My change in me. I’ve worked hard at it, before I would be sinking in to depression already, now I am looking for the positive, relishing the challenge and planning for great times with my boy.
  • This blog, it’s pushed me, allowed me to consider my thoughts
  • Not feeling guilty about failing to start my diet. I couldn’t motivate myself knowing that I was out to lunch on my last day of work and I was really busy. I know weak excuses but they genuinely created a huge mental block. Monday is the new day to start again. I am going to make myself a star chart and everything.

So a short one this week really but genuinely I feel ok. I have a week to myself next week, my job loss was unexpected and sudden and Charlie is booked in for 30 hours as usual next week. Things have been tense between husband and I, it’s difficult, he’s had a very busy time at work, plus moving and sorting out all that goes with it, going to Birmingham, going to London, its put a strain on both of us. I’m sad, he’s busy and a lot of issues that were around before still are. I’m trying to be more direct, he’s trying to face things head on. It’s a work in progress, but I’m confident that things are improving.

On the me front, I’m thinking I might do the Shakti Mama self portrait challenge. 8 Weeks of self portraits. Like another blogger friend of mine, well actually I have met her several times in real life but we did meet on the net, I realise there are very few pictures of me in existence. I have to get over this childish affliction of being shy about being recorded on film. I expect people to be recorded by me, not in an arrogant way but I never really think about those I’m snapping unless they tell me to bugger off! but I always shy away, I was never really bothered as a child, my Dad was an awesome photographer so it’s the bi product of living with him, but since my waistline expanded and my confidence shrunk I haven’t appeared on film much. I’m going to change it, with the self portrait challenge I will take a picture every week, probably on Sunday of myself, and post it.

I did something a while back that I did with some teenagers. You take lots of pictures of yourself, beauty shots – head and shoulders only – edit them, and create a montage. Soon your face becomes just another face, you are supposed to take about 100 pictures and then whittle it down, so you edit a lot of shots of your face. It’s like a process of desensitisation.  It works too, you start to see your face just like any other not the face you see in the mirror with all your feelings attached. I might have to do this again soon but for now one a week is all you will be battered with!

Roll on Sunday…I’ll try and look half alive lol.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.


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