It has felt like a tough week this week but I think when I start writing I have a lot to be thankful for. First I will give an idea of my week.
I’m stressed about material things, money, car, work and lifestyle. It sounds so shallow but they really play on your mind when they aren’t right. Our car needed £1400 of repairs which is approx twice the value of the car so that’s the car to the scrapper. I rely on my car for work, it’s actually part of my contract to have a car, so I had to speak very nicely to my Grandmother to get another car on family credit. I hate having to do it but we just don’t have that kind of money. We are generally quite terrible with money. It’s the biggest cause of arguments in this household, and probably the source of most stress, it’s a vicious cycle really.
I’m trying to make a few live/work balance changes, I have asked if I can make changes to my hours which actually should help us financially, cuts costs. My Nan is still hospitalised, I have some good friends going through some really tough times. I feel so out of control of my life at the moment, so busy all the time, in work then at home its non stop. If I just sit down and do nothing I feel awful. If I don’t I feel exhausted. I spent most of this afternoon feeling dizzy and exhausted, I don’t feel like I’m giving my family their dues.
I have to prioritise me, and it feels incredibly wrong.
The thankful stuff.
- That I am well qualified and if I have to look for a different job I can probably get one
- I have a home, it’s warm in winter and cool in summer
- I have wonderful and generous family
- I have a plan for our future
- I have food in the cupboards
- I have a new car, one where I have to change the gears and that doesn’t decide it’s going to stop changing gear just as I approach the carriageway
- I have a comfy bed
- I can cut costs out of my budget to save money and keep us going
- I like TV and the Internet which is a good job really as I’m not going out anytime soon
- I have plenty of projects I want to do to keep me busy
- My child is amazing, he knows more names of dinosaurs than I do ! He’s a happy soul which makes me happy
- I’m not bitter or cynical when I could be, I’m not sure why but I’m glad.
Thats all I want to say right now, I’m happy overall, just the niggles to sort out.
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young
Happiness to Charlie is a sunny day, a choice of hat or sunglasses and a park ~ Me