At the weekend I was having a little down time, I’d not been feeling well but the last two weekends we’d been busy (which was lovely and amazing as I got to hang with my Devon bestie and my family) and I decided to have a look at the beginning.
I’m still working on the refresh of this little space, and I wanted to really see which posts I was going to keep and what I wanted to clear out, broken links and all that jazz. I started to read a few posts from the beginning. I’d forgotten how many false starts there had been, how many diets that lasted a week, how I struggled over days and how hard it was to get started, and then when it all fell in to place and it made me think about a number of things, including how different my life is now.
I noticed that back then at the start I lapsed every couple of days, I guess I can measure success in the amount of times between falling face first into pizza. I’ve improved my knowledge of nutrition immensely and my diet has moved on massively. I no longer rely on eating cereal to get me through the day or shakes or working out for 3 hours and feeling proud enough of myself to eat some chocolate.
Then I did the work on myself, I improved my self esteem massively, and then things started to fall in to place. One thing I really noticed was that no matter what was happening in my life (two moves, separation etc etc) I stuck mostly to plan. I lost weight fairly consistently for the first 2 stone (28 lbs). The thing is a little information can be a bad thing, and I think I tied myself in knots trying to understand how I could lose weight faster, smarter, healthier. I’ve lost sight of just feeling better and that’s what I had at the beginning.
Thats not to say I’m abandoning what I’ve learnt, as I creep closer to my starting weight than my goal weight I need to change the tide. I’m not happy at this weight and I’ve realised that my self esteem took quite a battering over the last few years and while it’s recovering I need to work at that just as hard as I need to work on my weight. So right now I’m not going to focus on weight, I’m going to focus on how the food I’m eating makes me feel, and I’m confident that that will start to see me change the tide of weight increase. I need to plan better, I definitely need to care for myself better, but I understand my schedule and the demands of my work now, I can cope with them and build my routine around them.
I’m almost relieved to be starting again in a way. It feels like a fresh slate, to go with my very different life.