It’s feeling massively colder here and the rain, the never ending south west rain, has begun to fall, and we can feel that winter is here and with it has come a definite feel of discontentment of how I’m doing lately.
Most of this year I’ve maintained. Looking back I’ve lost around half a stone (7 lbs) overall which is fine, a loss is a loss after all and we’ve a month of the year to go so I may lose those over 45 lbs targeted lbs yet but you know it’s no where near what I wanted but life has a way of getting involved in best laid plans of mice and men. And very busy mums who want to make something of their lives other than a healthy BMI.
All year long I’ve had people telling me the same message and I’ve been brushing it off because really I’m not sure how else to work but lately I’ve realised that I HAVE to make a change or I’m going to do some serious damage to myself. I work on full blast. I want to do my very best so I work my very hardest. I expect my very best all the time. I do more. I do extra. I expect more. I take on more. Recently I’ve started to feel a little bit swamped while at the same time feeling disappointed that I’m not making progress with my weight loss or running further or faster.
This has come to be true of food as well. While I can’t keep eating in the slap dash way that I have, with little planning, long gaps between meals – 12 hours at times – and little consistency of health in those meals, I’m no where near getting a balance of carbs and fats or any kind of nutrition at the moment which is exacerbating my tiredness and general feeling of awful, I can’t put pressure on myself to eat perfect Paleo either. Whole 30 right now is not right for me and nor is any kind of uber restrictive plan. I need to eat to fuel myself well and eat to lose weight. Right now I need to simplify, take a step back and start finding my way back to something manageable for me again. I’ll try and remember to instagram my stuff but I’m bloody useless.
Not many people know this but I’m an epileptic, Until 18 months ago I’d not had a seizure for about 8 years, and was completely free of medication, then one seizure hit and initially we agreed I wouldn’t take meds as it was a one off but I started experiencing migraines and headaches recently which would literally leave me debilitated for a whole day and my neurologist surmised that this was likely linked to my epilepsy symptomatology and I was risking another seizure without medication. So during the past 3 months I’ve begun to titrate up on a dose of a medicine to prevent seizures and a medicine which will hopefully control my migraines. Sadly, as with most meds, I’ve had some unpleasant side effects, one of which is that even walking up the stairs has left my heart pounding and my resting pulse has raised significantly which obviously has an impact on a lot of things, I’m waiting for a GP appointment to discuss it further. Obviously it impacts how much I can do in the way of physical work so I’ve been trying to up my lower intensity stuff and stay on my feet more which at work right now is not a problem!
My diet though is whats letting me down but I’m trying not to let myself down any more in that area. I refuse to brand myself a failure anymore though. My life is not a failure. I am not a failure. My life is far from failure, what I see right now is a massively bright future, I am going to do awesome things with my future, but right now, this is part of my present that I want to move on a little and I have to start listening to the person who has done it, rather than the person who is struggling to do it.