My Protein Works Chocolate Heaven Mug Cake

Recently The Protein Works got in touch with me and said hey, try some of our products they’re chocolatey, and who was I to resist?

I’ll be  honest I’m always suss about Protein Powders and things and very rarely buy them, when I do it’s vanilla and I use it in cooking. The Protein Works sent me the Millionaires Shortbread flavour of their Whey Protein 80 and holy shiz balls its beautiful. I’ve been drinking it with just some almond milk. It comes in a TONNE of flavours too, from Apple Cinnamon Swirl to White Chocolate Blondie.


I took a look around the market and the reviews from independent reviewers, this guy loves the product too (even if he punches cats), and this guy too. This wins on flavour, selections, and is low in sugar too. There’s all kinds of details on the site about the technicalities of the whey protein if you’re in to all that stuff.

They also sent me some amazing Peanut Butter, Peanut Butter Luxe in Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavour. I love peanut butter. I love Chocolate Fudge Brownies. What’s a girl to do with this? Eat it. With a spoon. Otherwise it’s pretty epic in protein shakes and for the recipe I’m gonna give you right below.

peanut-butter-luxe_2I know! I am getting super generous now, here’s a super easy mug cake which is a little bit indulgent (183 calories) but great for after a workout with only 8g of fat, 4g of carbs and a good whack of 27g of protein. I made it with the ingredients provided for me and seriously recommend you do too.

For a Super Chocolate Heaven Protein Mug Cake You need:

A Mug & a Microwave
1 Scoop of Millionaires Shortbread Whey 80 Protein Powder
1 tbsp of Peanut Butter Luxe
1/4 tsp of baking powder
Pinch of Salt (I’m a fan of Kosher salt or Rock Salt)
1 fresh egg white
1/4 mug of Almond Milk (or standard milk if you like)

Add the powder, milk, baking powder, salt and egg white together and mix in the mug until smooth, add the peanut butter and get as smooth as you can.

Mug Cake, Protein Mug Cake, Lifting, Gym, weight Loss
Microwave on full for 30 seconds, give it a stir and microwave for another 30 seconds. You should get a lifted texture at this point, if you don’t microwave again in 10 second intervals.


Mug Cake, Protein Mug Cake, Lifting, Gym, weight Loss

I ended up with a fluffy cake with a little bit of wet sauce on the top, it was beautiful! Scoff away. It’s also really filling and will keep you going for ages! As I was taking pictures I noticed the sign hanging at the end of our kitchen.


While The Protein Works may have given me some lovely gifts it doesn’t mean I would change my opinion on the product. I always give an honest account of anything I try and tell you all the truth! I wouldn’t share anything that I didn’t think readers would be interested in. Let me know what you think of the recipe, or the products in the comments :) 


You graduate from so many things in your life, this week I graduated from University, but you graduate from childhood to adulthood, you graduate from single life to relationship to parenthood. We often don’t even think about these rites of passage because they don’t have the grandeur that the event I attended at the weekend. Its funny, graduation fell the weekend after Yom Kippur, a time when you let go of whats holding you back. It’s made me all reflective and shit.


Thats me. On one of the most gorgeous days I’ve seen in months, by the seaside getting recognition for the first class degree that I achieved and the award I achieved. I have never felt prouder of what I’d achieved really, of myself, I’m often proud of my son and that reflection on me, but rarely for something I’ve done because my inability to lose weight, to battle whatever it is that makes me lose weight and gain it again in my brain, will override any feeling of success I’ve had. I felt proud this weekend. I posted the pictures of me even though I winced a little when I saw them. I wanted to look better. I wanted to look amazing, I wanted that final day to really have a more rounded feeling of success but I wasn’t able to do it. I’m actually at a higher weight than I have been in a long time.

I’m not able to go to fat club for a while, financially while we are in a period of flux, its just not possible, so you’ll see me on MFP. I’m also finding that weekly weigh ins are counter productive so I’m going to be weighing fortnightly and probably aiming for monthly long term. I felt much better about things when I did that previously.

As far as food goes, I’ll be staying within my macros as much as possible but nothing is off the menu. I’m going to try and identify real trigger foods, well ones that I’ve not seen already, and remove them gradually. I have a lot going on (is there ever a time when I don’t?!) so managing my diet will help me feel better in myself and that will impact the rest of my life. I actually am getting started today. I was going to start after the weekend but I knew that a week of crappy food would happen between now and then if I did so today is today.

Today I graduate from being happy in my life but not in my skin.
Today I graduate from choices which make me unhappy.
Today I graduate from restrictive eating which makes me crazy.


I’ve always been a goal orientated person, I’ve always wanted to have an “end” so having healthy goals is tricky because they never end really,  there’s always something to improve on, build on, and improve. So sometimes it feels like my goal weight is unachievable, unreachable.

For example, 70lbs lost. I’ve come close a number of times, I’ve been 2/3 lbs away and then boom, I lose it for some reason. It’s like breaking that barrier is so hard and I get nervy getting near it but I have a goal to smash it. Right now, with only 40lbs lost I feel like that goal is a mountain. It was interesting musing over Sarah’s challenge for last week in the 50lbsin50 challenge. That in one thing is a target, 50lbs in 50 weeks, but instead of looking at the goal, Sarah has us looking at the rewards we could earn along the way. Sounds good to me!

So I’ve planned these rewards from the start of slimming world:

Currently at 5.5lbs lost (as of 13.9.15 when I’m writing this)

10 lbs lost (45 total): Few bits of new make up
20 lbs lost (55 total) : New Video game
30 lbs lost (65 total) : Massage/pamper session
40 lbs lost (75 total) : New Dress
50 lbs lost (85 total) : Date Night

Hopefully these will stop this

Goals are a two edged sword, placing too much pressure on yourself to achieve goals in a set time frame when it comes to health and fitness and weight loss has bit me on the ass a number of times and they’ve fed a feeling that I’m worthless and hopeless. Setting goals is fine, setting time scales is not important for me anymore. Right now progress really is better than perfection. Perfection eats away at you, it makes you feel not good enough and it makes you feel like you can’t achieve what you could given more time.

I’ve achieved a full on life goal recently, so now I’m taking some time to knock some healthy me goals on the head. I want to do it without castigating myself for not doing it fast enough, and I want to do it in a healthy way for me, and right now that is perfection.

My Current Workouts

I thought I’d share with you what I’m doing in the gym right now, when I get there that is! I’ve had a really poor week this week, my food and workouts have not been happening much. I plan to stop that kind of sloppiness from today. In the last two weeks I’ve lost 5.5lbs at fat club (if you follow instagram you’ll know that was 2.5lbs and 3lbs respectively and I’ll post my weigh in later today) and I was aiming for 1.5 lbs this week to smash my 7lbs but actually I’m a bit worried I’m looking at a gain. I’ll take what I deserve and get on with this week though, my mood and my worth is not dependent on what the scale tells me anymore.

That little bit of ramble over, here’s what I am doing in the gym.


I’m starting the New Rules of Lifting for Women again, I can bash out the workout right now in 20 minutes or so, so end up doing a little cycling afterwards to move my legs more, but weights first after a little warm up and the first time I did the workout after a long gap in lifting I forgot to stretch post squats. Oh my lord. 3 days of DOMS has taught me never to make that mistake again. Last time I completed this programme I saw the biggest shift in my strength and shape than ever before so I’m going to get going properly with it this week.



My HIIT routine at the moment consists of pain and despair a very simple routine which takes around an hour to complete and leaves me completely dripping and usually with over 600 calories torched.

Rowing – 15 seconds full power (90% effort),  30 seconds easy, 10 minutes

Boxing – 20-30 seconds full power
Bob and Weave – 20-30 seconds full power
Step Ups – 20 – 30 seconds full power

2 x 4 sets with a 1 minute break between rounds.

Bike Sprints – 30 second sprint, 15 seconds easy
20 second sprint, 15 seconds easy
10 second sprint, 30 seconds easy
x 5 rounds

Easy bike cool down.

Steady State Cardio 

Steady state is probably the most hated by lifters everywhere, it also leaves me with a calorie burn of nearly 900 calories after I’m done.

20 mins on the Treadmill increasing the incline every 2 minutes or so, walk at a brisk pace.
20 mins on the Cross Trainer increasing the level every 2 minutes (obviously start at a reasonable level!)
20 mins on the bike, you guessed it, increasing the level every 2 minutes

Sounds straightforward but it really does burn!

For all of these I try and ensure that I’m properly fuelled, I work far better and harder when I am, I used to be a massive fan of fasted cardio but I’m a convert after doing workouts in the afternoons. I’m sure lots of people can roll up with their unsolicited advice about my routine but honestly right now it’s about feeling good in the gym and feeling happy when I leave.

The Big Fat White Elephant in the Room.

This blog is going to mention weight loss and weddings and probably have the word bride or bridal in it but stay with me. So last year something momentous happened for me, it was one of the most special things that has ever happened to me, my man proposed in a beautiful way, one that showed he was brave, thoughtful and romantic.

And my best friend caught the exact moment @nollyrocks got down on one knee well done @pictavi ❤️??

A photo posted by Rebecca (@beccarockslife) on

We have lived in this lovely engagement bubble for a while now and now we are starting to plan the wedding, my favourite blog and magazine has become Rock and Roll Bride, one of the many reasons for this was that it represented more quirky girls, curvier girls, and no diet ads. Literally every other bridal magazine I’ve ever read has had diet ads in it, or worse still cosmetic surgery ads.

There is a pressure on women in the lead up to weddings, gotta look “your best” which seems to equate to a tonne of make up and as skinny as you can get yourself. The pressure to spend a tonne of money is waning but the weddings you tend to see in magazines are super expensive (another reason to love R&R Bride, a mix of prices from 4 people elopements to huge weddings).

It’s an odd idea

I’m heavier now than when Olly proposed at Christmas, this year I’ve taken a battering and I’ve blogged about my new found weight loss plan and I’m instagramming my weigh ins etc. but I don’t feel I’m doing this for my wedding, if I married him today he’d be happy but I’m not sure I would be, I would be self conscious and aware of my body and that is part of the reason I’m making changes to my weight. It is odd though, why would you want to look so different on your wedding day when you marry someone you’ve been with for years? Who, in most cases, knows you inside and out, has seen you poorly, has seen you dazzling, has seen you cry.

This is where the problem comes in. I’m marrying for the second time, when I see my wedding pictures from 2003 I cringe at how I look, I remember how my dress had to be specially made, how uncomfortable I felt. I know that that dress is masses too big for me now, I tried it on before donating it, and I know that I am a much happier person this time around, that my new older head is much wiser about life. I don’t want to look at this set of wedding pictures and cringe.

I’m aware that this is a contradiction, in a way, I recognise that it’s an odd thing to do, to change your appearance for a day when you pledge that you’ll hold hands with the person who knows you best forever, but yet I still want to do it.

Thing is, I’ve always wanted to do it

I’ve wanted this long before my first marriage ended. Before my next relationship started. I wanted it before I regained a load of weight. The wedding, it’s a target, a thing along the way, it’s not WHY I’m losing weight but it’s a motivator. I want to be happy and comfortable on the day that will be documented forever. Right now I’d feel horrendous if I was going to spend the day in front of the camera. I know I’ll be mildly distracted by marrying the man I love but equally the dress I have in mind wont be overly forgiving either.

So for now slow and steady. Not just for the wedding but for the marriage because that’s going to be my life but theres part of me that still wants this:


Nicole Arbour

I’ve seen the below video again and again and again on bloggers pages recently, usually accompanied by a good dose of outrage. Meet You Tube Comedienne Nicole Arbour

I’m not going to lie, there were bits that I cringed at, bits that I smiled at and bits that I just rolled my eyes at, but I’ve not rolled my eyes to the video nearly as much as I have to some of the outrage that bloggers have been putting out there.

She’s paid to provoke a reaction. 

Thats right people she makes money every time you watch her videos, every time she gets booked to talk about the outrage to her videos and she makes jokes to provoke that again and again. She is paid to poke fun at people. Her video about fat people has been watched thousands of times and uploaded again and again by people on YouTube, honestly all the outrage is doing is giving her the reaction she wants. Watch one of her other videos like this one where she spells out that pretty much everything she says is likely to be offensive, she tells offensive jokes, it’s her “style”. Whatever, if that style is someone’s bag, which it clearly is as people like her, then watch it, if it’s not don’t. I don’t watch Frankie Boyle because I think he’s a wanker, similar principal.

Some of what she says is true.

Actually a lot of it. Does see put that information across in a sensitive and compassionate way? No she does not. Is she aiming to provide health and welfare information? No she is not. Seriously she has a point, she deliberately excludes those who have specific health concerns which influence their weight. Those who don’t have a medical condition – including mental health difficulties – DID get where they were because they ate too much and moved to little. I did have the influence of mental health struggles but I ate too much sugary bollocks, not enough veggies and I barely moved off the sofa.

She’s not solely responsible for Eating Disorders

I’ve seen a lot of talk that her rants could be triggering, they could be, but so could billboards on subways, tv shows about food, people chatting about someone fat, hell I’ve found people laughing near me enough to bring me out in sweats at times. Is it that those people were responsible for my feelings? No they were not. Even if they were laughing at me it makes them douchey people not people wanting me to feel vile about myself. They are not responsible for the things that happened to me and the ongoing challenges that that presents me with. My response to her is my responsibility. Thats not easy but it is true.

She’s not kind, motivational nor does she have compassion but she is a person. 

In this video. I don’t know her personally so I can’t say whether she realises that she too could be struck down with an illness which makes her as fat as me, she doesn’t seem to think so. She doesn’t seem to care if she hurts people, she’s quite clear about that, but I’ll stand by her right to say what the hell she wants. She’s using stereotypes to be funny, it’s lazy and not my idea of comedy, but she does have the right to say it, just like Charlie Hebdo has the right to make cartoons about religion without being murdered. It’s a dramatic comparison but to be honest with some of the dramatic things I’m reading across the web including The Guardian you’d think she was waging war on fat people not poking a fun at them. It may be cruel, pathetic, and embarrassing at times but it’s just a youtube video. That’s it. In the world and life it’s a YouTube video not the UN.

My advice to the world? Move on.

Whats my healthy?

I’ve been thinking about this A LOT recently, partly because I’ve made a shift in my diet and partly prompted by the lovely Mary’s comment on one of my recent posts. If you missed her awesome wisdom, let me lay it out for you…

In between posts, I’m trying to break some of the disordered eating habits I picked up from trying to keep up with the blogging Joneses. Whole30 is fucked up, y’all. I said it. There is room in my plan for rice and pasta and a sandwich when I’m so tired that I just want to eat pb&j and cry myself to sleep. There needs to be. I feel good on Whole 30 when I don’t eat that stuff, but I also feel good when I eat normal portions of it. My problem isn’t one serving of pasta, it’s three or four.

I’ve had a major shift in attitude lately. I realised that I was trying my best to be perfect at something which for me is completely unattainable. You know I started to think carefully about how the internet is our show reel, Facebook isn’t peoples real life, I’ve never once posted a crying #selfie when I’m homesick, or instagrammed binge eating that leaves me feeling nauseous. I know for a fact I’m not the only person out there. I decided that I can’t take what’s said on the internet seriously as something to emulate or aspire to just learn from it and take from it what works for me. Everyone says “you’ve gotta do what’s right for you”, so much so between bridal forums and weight loss blogs I almost roll my eyes when I read it, it seems so simple and it is, but there are a lot of things which cloud that decision, fear of judgement, not really knowing what’s good for you, the list could go on.

So I decided to join a group. This is a major shift in my thinking, I’ve been against paying for a diet for a long time, it’s a business not a holistic thing, however I decided to step up and take some fucking responsibility for my limitations right now and its been freeing. I need something that has variety, that is easy, that has some convenience options, that allows me not to feel guilty if I need to eat a packet of popcorn. I need live not to be all or nothing anymore because it’s exhausting. Perfection is hard.

Perfection is damaging.

It’s damaged my health trying to be perfect. Like Mary said, getting caught up in what I’ve read has taken some undoing. It’s taken the form of months of rebellion and now significant weight gain which I have to spend time working off. What I hope to do with this regain, and every pound of getting rid of it is use it to find me, the moderate me, the one who is happy with progress rather than perfection.


I reviewed the last few years, I’ve hovered around the same weight for a long time, desperately trying to stay Paleo or Whole 30 but never really getting far, dropping weight then gaining it back again and again. Its never been a sustainable weight loss tool for me, nor have I been in healthy patterns of eating either. Super strict one minute and gorging on crap the next is not good for my body or mind. So I’m using the group and the “plan” to get a more moderate and sustained approach to weight loss, one that’s healthier for my brain and body.

Eating Feelings

So I weighed in yesterday, my first week with fat club (slimming world) and I was down 2.5lbs. I was feeling better, lighter, thought I could even see a little different so I was a little disappointed which is ridiculous. I was dreaming of some awesome big number but it wasn’t to be. Then that afternoon, my partner, my only love, had to go to work away for the week. I felt deflated, I felt fat as could be and I wanted to eat. Instead of celebrating my loss I was whining that it wasn’t enough but I’m not sure what would have been. I have to adjust my expectations. 2.5 lbs is a great loss. I should be happy.

People who don’t do this always have trouble understanding it, from professionals to the individuals, its all a mystery if you don’t do it. Some people can’t eat when stressed, there is only one time in my life that this has ever happened to me, I was bereaved three times in two weeks and I was already going through hell. I lost a 12 lbs in those two weeks. That was once my normal response to emotions is to get ahold of them and shove them down with food.

It took me a long time to really come to terms with the idea that I didn’t allow myself to feel emotions, I stuffed them down because they were uncomfortable for me and for those around me, I didn’t really feel that if I let them out anyone would be there to catch me. Now I feel very strongly supported, and they’ve started to leak out every now and again, I’m learning that I can express myself without fear of being dumped or disciplined. Thats a nice feeling, but trying to explain to someone who has these functions naturally is like trying to explain why breathing is hard.

The best way I can think to describe it is like a bit like when you’ve got a water balloon above you on a hot day, you want to cool down so want to get some of the water out but you don’t want to get drenched. So you poke a hole in it but the risk is by letting that little trickle out with that little hole you might end up bursting the whole thing. Sometimes I feel like I’m poking a little hole and letting stuff come out and instead a whole deluge bursts out and suddenly I’m frozen and in shock.

I tend to bottle things up, the trouble with that is they have to come out somehow but in the past I’ve always pushed it inside and held it down with pizza. What I’ve been doing gently over the past few years is managing how I express myself and WHO I express myself too. Thats a lesson I’ve learnt by being rejected, hurt and rebuffed, some people cannot be compassionate, cannot cope with other peoples emotions or simply do not get it, so they aren’t people I talk to about things, I talk to people who get it, I talk to people who understand and who are willing to listen, and it’s been a hard lesson to know that some people love you but don’t want to share that stuff and that’s ok.

I feel so much stronger for the things I’ve learned which in turn has allowed me to show that I can be weak sometimes, overwhelmed, that I struggle when I feel unloved, that I can be needy in my insecure moments and that sometimes I struggle to see that I’ll come through the other side, also that all of my little quirks are fine. The people who love me love me anyway.

I’ll still eat my feelings sometimes, but hopefully I’ll let them leak out to the right people as well and gradually I wont need to shove them down so much.

Fear of Commitment

Tomorrow I join the first slimming group that I’ve joined in a very long time. When I started this journey I started with slimming world, and as I restart my story I feel like it’s time for me to seek some support. I considered OA but I couldn’t get my head around the religious element. It wasn’t for me.

I don’t need a group. I want one.

I’m living in an area where I really don’t know anyone besides my partner, child and my partners family. I need to get out more! I found a group next door to my gym so gym gear on for group and then on to the gym after group, keep that good feeling going. In the past I’ve used weigh in day as a chance to eat whatever I wanted and I want to avoid that this time, being more balanced and allowing myself to have a rounded diet through the week and make this sustainable.

That old chestnut, this has to be lifestyle change.

Once I get going I’ll gradually improve my diet to a “cleaner” diet, for now I need to be flexible and healthy for myself.

I’m actually a bit scared, going to a group, being hopeful even, is commitment. I have to make a commitment for myself, and to myself and I’m more than a little bit worried. I’ve not felt that I deserve that commitment for a long time, I’m not sure that I still do but I feel like me 6 years ago, except my life is happy, there’s no situational downers right now, I love my life (other than it being a little lonely, having a few stresses and painfully missing my bestie).

Commitment is a tough thing really. Saying to yourself you’re going to put your goals first and nothing will derail that after years of doing the same thing to damage yourself. I was quite committed to destroying myself for a long time, for all the crimes that I thought I’d committed and other people told me I had committed,  so being committed to building myself up is tough.

It’s a start though isn’t it? Saying it out loud.

Rewriting the Ending

In January I made the decision to end this weight loss blog, I said I wasn’t writing anymore, that it was making me worse, that it wasn’t helping any longer. Truth was I was burnt out by blogging.

Trying to keep up with blogs
Trying to comment on blogs
Trying to connect with readers
Trying to post every day
Trying to fit in to a blogging community
Trying to fit in to life
Trying to always be successful no mater what
Trying to live a hectic life with lots of other important things happening whilst doing all this ^

I had A LOT going on in my life. I felt more miserable every time I hit post and honestly I didn’t even like what I was writing anymore. Repetitive and defeatist had overwhelmed me. I felt like I couldn’t turn it around and I thought it was just blogging I’d lost the spark for.

Then I started to get better at everything else. I was suffering with depression, a side effect of some medication I was taking for migraines and epilepsy, once they stopped it suddenly lifted, like the sun came up, the change in me was remarkable. Life still had pressures but I gained some resilience however I’d done some damage.

I gained a lot of weight.
I lost a lot of self respect.

So those are the things I’m going to start turning around here, positively and with a few rules.

I wont be posting unless I’ve got something to say, sometimes that’ll be daily, other times weekly, and thats ok.
I am going to try and keep it positive, even when I do things that aren’t in my goals best interests, I’m human.
I am not going to kill myself to make every post perfect.
I am just going to write. What I want. How I want. When I want. If no one reads it thats ok too (that said I like you lot a lot so would like it if you did)

On Monday (convenient eh?) I am joining a slimming group (a whole world apparently) and you know, I was kinda embarrassed about it. Largely I don’t like stuff like this, I don’t like groups, I hate rigid plans, and I  have firm and fixed ideas about “low fat”, but I’ve decided not to be embarrassed. I’ve decided to show that I need support right now, I need to find new friends because I know no one here, and I need a structure, but most of all I need to commit. I need to lay it all out on the table and just say I’m committed to losing weight.

I’m committed to a healthier me.

I’m not going to be eating some of the stuff I’m “allowed” on the plan because it’s not in my healthy but that’s fine too. I’m going to start my give it 100 challenge that I’ve been doing on instagram on Monday and I will give slimming world 100 days, dedicated, committed 100 days. How about that? Ok, I’m scared by the commitment but there it is.

Until next time.