So time is flying by isn’t it? I last wrote on the 9th and now it’s the 26th and I’m still here thinking of something to say. It’s kind of why I stopped blogging, the pressure to have something to say was so strong and really I don’t have all that much to say, well sometimes I never shut up and other times I just am quiet. It’s pretty much me in real life too.
Today I’ve had to take a day off work, I planned to go in, then my son was ill, I managed to be able to go in in the afternoon but Charlie just became more ill and so I couldn’t do it. I have had him limpeted to me all day. He’s hot and flustered and limp all at once and while he’s starting to get better today I’ve realised that my anxiety is more of a problem than I’ve given it credit for. My life has been totally consumed today by worry. Outside of my worry about my sick child, the worry that I couldn’t get to work, that my colleagues would be angry with me, that my boss would be angry with me were on my mind all day. I’m still in my probationary period at this job so the anxiety is high.
It made me think about how my anxiety generally makes me act. Obviously threes the obvious food issues. Then there’s snappiness, irritability, nit picking and that lovely need to blame someone else for anything that goes wrong. Anxiety = deflection. In recent years I’m much much less anxious than I’ve ever been. The main source of my anxiety previously was my ex husband and all the things that went with him. It can be exhausting but thats pretty much the only physical symptom I get. But it’s all encompassing tired. Fall asleep mid sentence tired. Painful tired. So tired I want to hibernate and curl up and hide from everyone.
I don’t know why I’m rambling about this, maybe the realisation that I need to do some work on my anxiety if I’m ever going to be able to lose some weight / maintain a healthy lifestyle without nose diving into reeces peices.